Monthly Archive: September, 2013

FDA Delays Linked to Sleeping Dust

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has taken decades to provide guidelines for labeling of popular drugs such as Tylenol, with the delays attributed to a magical sleeping dust leak within the agency’s… Continue reading

Stowaway Leprechaun Helps Avert Nuclear Disaster

Recently declassified documents reveal that on January 23, 1961, a simple low voltage switch and an heroic leprechaun were all that stood between the eastern coast of the United States and a nuclear… Continue reading

Surgeons Perform First Successful Imagination Transplant

In a first for medical science, surgeons at an American research hospital have successfully transplanted an imagination into a person who had previously been lacking this critical human function. Patient X, whose name… Continue reading

Sid and Lucy – A Love Story

EXCLUSIVE:  Sid and Lucy Hawthorne live in Broome County, NY.  They just celebrated their thirtieth wedding anniversary, and are still madly in love. According to Lucy, Sid asked her to marry him the… Continue reading

Cyclops Crew Helps Right Concordia

A construction crew of Cyclops has helped Italian engineers wrest the Costa Concordia off the reef on which it capsized. The salvage operation of the cruise liner which sank January 12, 2012 in… Continue reading

Ben Affleck uses Third Wish on Batman Role

Ben Affleck has used the final wish from his Genie, and Batman movie fans now have their leading man. On August 22, Warner Brothers announced that Affleck will be the next Caped Crusader; a character… Continue reading

Jellyfish Appoint New Chief, Ocean Shivers

The Worldwide Jellyfish Council (WJC) has appointed a Chief Marshall, and other Oceanic species have raised a note of alarm. The WCJ released a press note earlier in the day that at the conclusion… Continue reading

UK Researchers Scratch the Surface

Scientists from the UK have discovered life under Antarctica’s Lake Hodgson throwing the local community of Ice-Mermen into a tizzy. A team of researchers led by David Pearce of the British Antarctic Survey… Continue reading

Spy Stork Eaten by Nubians

Menes, the Hungarian stork detained by Egyptian officials for suspicion of espionage has been killed and eaten by villagers on an island in the Nile River. The stork had been arrested in August… Continue reading

Magical Coconut Detained for Election Tampering

  Police in the Maldives have detained a young coconut near the Guraidhoo Island School over concerns that it was attempting to tamper with the island nation’s Presidential elections. Local parents had previously… Continue reading