Magical Coconut Detained for Election Tampering

Photo by Drnonothing (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (, via Wikimedia Commons

Police in the Maldives have detained a young coconut near the Guraidhoo Island School over concerns that it was attempting to tamper with the island nation’s Presidential elections.

Local parents had previously protested the placement of a polling place at the school because of its proximity to a local witch who had cast spells to influence the outcome of prior elections.

According to an islander:

‘’After the local council elections the school students started fainting inside the classrooms and this became a huge issue… the parents knew this was related to something like this and called in a group of spiritual healers.’’

Fears of magical election tampering were heightened when school students discovered a kihah, or young coconut, inscribed with a Koranic verse shortly before the elections. The students notified their principal who alerted the police. Realizing their limitations in dealing with the occult, the authorities engaged a Ruqyah (white magician), to evaluate the coconut. The Ruqyah claimed that the coconut was not optimally prepared for magic and did not pose a threat.

According to Sulaimon Na Harizaneh, a world-renowned white magician, coconuts, because of their buoyancy, have special powers against the sea, and have been used for millennia in spells cast to ward off flooding.

The Maldives, as the planet’s lowest lying nation is a country uniquely vulnerable to the challenge of rising sea waters. Na Harizaneh believes that the coconut may have been used in an attempt to influence the election in favor of politicians who would enact policies to hold back the seas. He added that he was relieved to hear that the coconut had been detained because “the practice of such magic could have dire consequences if the spell caster does not adhere to the strictest procedural requirements.”

Fortunately, Maldivian police are now aware of the situation and are ready to respond to any unauthorized use of magic.