NASA Misses Alien Contact


Image of Kepler 62f by NASA

An alien delegation passing Earth last week attempted to contact NASA, but found nobody listening.

The delegation from Planet Auoile, or Kepler 62-f, in the Earth classification system, is on a fact finding mission to our Sun to study the formation of solar wind on a virgin Star. Noticing satellites and other space junk orbiting our planet, the Auoileans intercepted the NASA signal, and replied, expecting to be contacted quickly.

After waiting 6 hours, the aliens moved on, figuring that the people of Earth either did not wish to engage, or did not possess the intelligence to do so.

What the travelers did not realize, was that the US government shutdown impacted communications monitoring at NASA, and the scientists who would have ordinarily received the extraterrestrial message had been furloughed. The existence of the communique was only discovered when one of the scientists returned to pick up some home made Kimchi he had left in his office refrigerator. While picking up his dish, the astronomer noticed the message and contacted his superiors at the space agency. By that time however, the alien starship had passed out of communication range.

According to sources familiar with the content of the message, the Auoileans offered to share technology including the key to fusion, advanced nanotech, and the science behind unlocking the unused areas of the carbon based brain.

When it was later explained to the Auoilean Commander that Earth’s major space program was shut down over differing visions for the financing of health care, the alien ironically noted that regenerative compounds carried in his ship could have made all human disease treatment and monitoring obsolete. In return, the aliens would have only requested access to our art, literature, music and film. For although the Auolean’s appreciate a good story, they do not have the genetic ability to create them.

The commander expressed hope that their messages are returned when they swing back around after completing their mission – which is estimated to occur in 200 years.