Pharmacist’s Spray Keeps the Monsters AwayA North Dakota pharmacist named Jeff Dodds and his daughter Josslyn, who work at Barrett Pharmacy in the Bakken oilfield boom town of Watford CIty have developed a monster repellent allowing young children to sleep undisturbed by things that go bump in the night.
The concoction, whose directions read simply “Spray around the room at night before bed, repeat if necessary,” has led to a dramatic decrease in the local population of monsters and other scary creatures.
According to one monster who was forced to flee a closet he had inhabited for the past two and a half years, an encounter with the potion left him itchy, bleary eyed and out of sorts for days. He finally abandoned his abode once he realized that the twin children living in the bedroom adjacent to the closet had incorporated the spray into their nightly bedtime rituals.
Max Aargarg, a spokesmonster for the North American Monster Association (NAMA) held a podcast for his constituents to update them on the new development. He argued that the introduction of the spray escalates a battle between monsters and children that has been going on for millennium. Aargarg stated:
The resort to chemical warfare is an unnecessary provocation that can only result in the introduction of increasingly hostile Monster-Human relations. This disturbs the delicate equilibrium in which Monsters come out only at night and pursue emotional terror alone, and children fight back with the use of flashlights, glow sticks, and night lights, or with the ultimate weapon of disbelief in Monsterkind.
The spokesman also speculated that the potion might lead some children to prematurely discover their own inner Monster should they react negatively to the spray.
Co-creator Josslyn Dodds was unconcerned by these criticisms telling reporters:
It’s 100 percent safe and it works amazingly… It really seems to get rid of the monsters.
At least for now, the potion will only be available to patrons of Barrett Pharmacy, with the inventor stating that he will not reveal the recipe. The real winners of this breakthrough are the children of this town, who are more than grateful to be guaranteed sweet, monster free dreams.